The Profession
I recall making at least two "professions" of faith when I was a child. The one I recall best was when a missionary couple were visiting our church. After explaining sin and salvation, the woman asked if I wanted to be saved. All I vividly recall was repeating a prayer after her then getting a neat little coloring book as a prize. As a child, I can still recall the how excited I was for that little book...and not the eternal gift I thought I had received. I lived for a few years thinking I was a child of God when I truly wasn't. It was only by God's infinite grace that I can now be called His Child.
The Possession
When I was in fourth grade, I remember watching a film called "Left Behind," depicting the pre-tribulation and pre-millennial rapture of the Church. I don't call the film that well, but the questions that it raised in my mind were haunting. I would lay awake at night asking myself, "What if I am not saved? What if I am left behind?" I don't know how many nights I attempted to rationalize my fears, but finally one night the Holy Spirit put a thought on my heart, "If I am not saved, why don't I make sure?"
That night, I got up out of my bed, found my dad, and told him that I wasn't sure if I was saved. He took me to verses in Romans, many of which I had memorized in Sunday School and Awana. I knew them by heart. Finally, by God's grace, He saved me on June 3 the summer after fourth grade. God's grace in my life did not stop there. Despite myself, He has been faithful to grow me into His image.
The Promise
Although I was a child of God, much time passed before I began to grow in Him. Through Jr. High I chose to live for myself and soon found myself at a cross roads in my life. My Father lovingly chastised me for the sin in which I had been living and began to draw me back to Himself. Through this painful time, I began to doubt my salvation. I wondered how a Christian could make the choices that I had. Finally one night when I was sixteen, I was suffering from intense shame, guilt, and doubt. Opening my Bible, I walked myself through the Romans road.
Romans 3:23
"For all have sinned and fallen short of the Glory of God."
Yes, I knew I was a sinner.
Romans 6:23
"For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord."
Yes, I knew that I deserved eternal death/separation from God because of my sin, and I also knew that because Christ died for my sin and that I had accepted his gift, I could have eternal life....
Romans 10:9-10
"That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and believe in thy heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved. For with the heart, man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation."
That's when it hit me. While I had said the words twice before, I wasn't relying on Christ COMPLETELY for eternal life with Him in heaven. That night in fourth grade, I had finally come to the end of myself. I realized that there was nothing I could do to get myself into heaven, it would have to be someone outside myself...someone like Christ.
The Power
Since that time, God has been faithful to give me a hunger for Him and His Word. There is nothing I love more than to study my Bible and learn more about my Father. Daily He teaches me new and old lessons. His Patience astounds me, because there are lessons that He reviews for me more often than I would like to admit. His grace and mercy are humbling, especially in light of who I was before Christ. His holiness demands that my life be surrendered to His will alone and His love -- perfect love -- constrains me to "be Christ" to every person that I meet.
Really, this story is not my own. It's His Story. It was His love that send His Son, Jesus, to die on the cross for a lowly sinner like me.
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