Now, while the title of this post may be unappealing, just hear me out! (See what I did there? lol) Something happened to me this week that I would like to share as a lesson I learned and as a means of encouragement. Also, because I love the art of story telling, this will read more like a narrative rather than a cut and dry this-is-what-I-learned-from-life-advice type account. So, without further introduction...
As I sat in the waiting room of the walk-in clinic, I braced myself on the arms of the chair while the room again began to swim. A wave of dizziness swept over me and I held my breath until it would pass. I opened my eyes and strained to focus on anything stationary.
"Something is wrong with my head" I thought to myself for the tenth time that day. A man with wrinkled face and thinning hair wheeled cart into the clinic and distracted my mind for a moment. Three more ailing patients entered the clinic before I was able to pull my distracted mind from its aimless observations. Closing my eyes again, I was able to shut myself into my new silent world and review what I would tell the doctor.
Every morning for the past month, I woke up with my ears slightly plugged. It wasn't so bad at first, until the dizzy spells began. At random throughout the day I would stop short and steady myself on something firm while my environment spun circles around my head. Each day the symptoms grew worse. Finally, I gave up my stubbornness, confessed my suffering to my mom who promptly made an appointment at the clinic. It was just in time too. The morning of the appointment, my ears were so plugged, I could not hear my sister talking to me from the other room.
"Tiffany?" A dark skinned man dressed in a light gray collard shirt called my name as he appeared in the door way leading to the "back" of the clinic. I never liked those doors.They were like silent sentries of suffering. In my sordid imagination, I thought there ought to have been some crumpled crone or chained animal guarding the dark entrance. They opened and shut only to take the next victim...
(ok, so...the clinic really is a nice place, and the doctor was great...but artistic licence called for at least ONE paragraph describing how I feel about doctors offices...)
I was weighed, measured, and lead back to the small room for questioning. Judging from the doctors dark skin, even darker hair and eyes, and peculiar accent, I guessed that he must be from India. I described to him my symptoms. He listened carefully and asked many thoughtful questions. In the end, he gave his diagnosis.
"I believe that you may have a build up of ear wax in your ear canal. That would explain your dizziness and slight pain. We can remove it with water irrigation."
He explained a few more items, then called the nurse to complete the procedure, then left me alone in the room. As I pictured the idea of "irrigation" and my ears, I didn't notice when the nurse came in.
"So somebody has dirty ears, huh?"
"Ya." I replied sheepishly, as if I had done something to make it that way. I eyed her tools of irrigation: a spray bottle with a small blue tube connected to the head and a blunt silver needle at the end, obviously for spraying.
I swallowed hard took a deep breath. "It will be fine." I told myself. Before I could console myself with my favorite line of false hope, the nurse had the tools in my ear and asked, "Ready?"
"Yes." I lied. A sound like a rushing wind filled my left ear. I could feel the warm water forcing itself deep into my ear. My eyes began to water and a strange type of pain began to grow in my nose and throat. "Ah..." I sucked in short choppy breaths. Each time water was shot into my ear the discomfort grew. I curled my toes in my shoes and tensed my body in an attempt to ignore the pain.
"Ok, there it is!" she said triumphantly. Pulling the needled squirt bottle and small bowl for water away from my ear, she removed the excess wax that had been tightly packed into my ear.
"Gross!" I said as I caught a small glimpse of the dirty water. "Can I see it?" I asked before I realized what I had said. I looked into the bowl of water. Small caramel colored chunks swam in the bottom of the bowl. "That was in my ear?"
"Yes." said the nurse as she prepared to irrigate the other ear.
When she finished, I shook the excess water from my ear and sat still for a moment. There was no more silence. As I slid off the exam table the white paper crinkled noisily under my weight. The nurse clicked her pen and slid it into her pocket. "I can hear!" I told her. She smiled and we exchanged the polite "good byes" and I walked from the room freed from my spinning and silent world.
Noises that I had lived without for weeks were flooding my ears. My crisp khaki shorts swished when I walked. The rubber on my tennis shoes gave quiet squeaks as I stepped on the carpet. The glass door slid across the tiled floor with a whisper that I could finally hear.
As I drove back to work, I whispered a prayer to God, "Thank you for my hearing, Father." I hadn't realized how much I had been missing with my ears so plugged. But now I could hear.
So what does this have to do with humility? Well, I pondered my "new hearing" the rest of day. I thought of the children of Israel and how they were often called "dull of hearing" because in their pride they would not listen to the Word of the Lord as given by the prophets. Then I thought of the example of the foolish man in Proverbs. There is a direct connection between a lack of listening and a foolish person.
Proverbs 5:13 "I did not listen to the voice of my teachers or incline my ear to my instructors."
Proverbs 13:1 "A wise son hears his father's instruction, but a scoffer does not listen to rebuke."
These are only a few examples. Adding to my thoughts on this was the book I just finished called "Humility: The Forgotten Virtue" by Wayne Mack. He delineates humility and pride and their manifestations, and one such example is the proud fool. The proud fool does not listen to wise counsel or God's Word. Conversely, the humble man does have ears to hear instruction. And God promises to help the humble man.
1 Peter 5:5 "Likewise, you who are younger, be subject to the elders. Clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another, for "God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble."
James 4:6 "But He gives more grace. Therefore it says, "God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble."
Pride is like the caramel clumps that keep us from hearing God's Word. In our sinfulness, we don't WANT to listen and obey much less allow God to humble us to the point of submission. But oh how wonderful when He does enable us to be humble! Just as I was relieved to finally be free from my silent world, how much better is is when we allow Him to humble us so that we can be usable vessels in His gentle hands!
One quote from Wayne Mack's book that stands out to me is this:
"As long as I am in the world, there will never come a point when I have completely conquered my propensity to be proud."
I will probably never get rid of my ear wax, and there is a great possibility that I will have to visit the doctor again to have my ears irrigated, but the same is true of our pride. As long as I walk this earth, I am always going to struggle with pride, but there is hope.
Read again James 4:6 "God opposed the proud, but gives grace to the humble." He promises to give us grace as we strive to practice humility in our lives. And as with any aspect of our sanctification He has promised to help us along the way:
He started my sanctification at salvation and He will finish it -
Philippians 1:6 "I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Christ Jesus."
He has equipped us RIGHT NOW with EVERYTHING I need to conquer my pride -
2 Peter 1:3 "His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence,"
He has given me the perfect example of humility --
Philippians 2:5-8 "Have this mind among yourselves, which was also in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped but made himself nothing taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross."
These verses are a hopeful reminder to me that I don't have to live in my sinful pride. I am thankful to my Father that He allowed me to suffer for a short time so that I could learn a practical lesson about pride. He is so faithful to teach His children, even when they don't realize what He is doing.
Thanks for reading and keep your ears open, He may be trying to teach you something.
>>Tiffany
